The Sheila Botelho Show

Is This Burnout… or Emotional Exhaustion I Normalized as Success? with Elizabeth Webb | EP 566

• Sheila Botelho

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Elizabeth:

Breaking free from toxic toleration looks like spaciousness. It looks like a greater tolerance for others being human because we have enough spaciousness in our own system, time-wise, and grace for ourselves.

Sheila:

Welcome to the Sheila Botelho Show, where we grow your success from the inside out. I'm Sheila Botello, business strategist and creator of the Season Success Method, helping founders scale sustainably without sacrificing their soul or their well-being. Today, we are tapping into a conversation that so many women in leadership quietly struggle with: emotional exhaustion, survival mode living, and the longing to reconnect with the spark they lost somewhere along the way. Our guest today is Elizabeth Webb, the practical priestess, a positive psychology expert and master breakthrough coach with more than 20 years of experience supporting executives, founders, artists, and thought leaders around the world. Her debut book, Made for Magic, is a grounded real-world roadmap for women who are emotionally exhausted or spiritually disconnected and want to reclaim a life that feels soul satisfying without toxic positivity or bypassing. Elizabeth, I am just so grateful that you are here.

Elizabeth:

It's a pleasure to be here. Yay!

Sheila:

And I would love to know before we actually dive into the questions. What has been something that has lit you up this past week in terms of what you have been experiencing with the promotion of your book? Anything that just pops into your mind, I'd love to hear.

Elizabeth:

Oh, absolutely. Well, I was on another podcast interview two days ago. And, you know, I never know the mood or the frequency that the host is going to be in. And she came on and I noticed immediately extreme tension in her system, um, charge in her system. And I was like, oh gosh, this might be really painful. This might be a painful whole thing. And it turns out that I ended up coaching her pretty much throughout our time. Our time was, I had no idea what to expect. I never know. I'm ready for anything. And I ended up just giving her seasoned advice that she felt comfortable getting. She felt comfortable opening up. She was in deep despair over the state of her marriage and putting a smile over it, which is kind of terrifying to look at, right? We all have probably been there. You're going through hell, but we don't feel comfortable making that face. So she was doing the tight, scary smile over the pain. And we were able to unpack it and really create some breakthroughs for her. So that was really fun because I'm I'm an accidental marketer. I'm not, you know, it's not really in my wheelhouse. I just have an excellent book and I want people to read it. So that's why I'm out here doing the podcasts. And when I get to help someone and change her day and then have that ripple effect, then go on to her clients and her listeners, just like, yes.

Sheila:

Oh, that is amazing. And and see, this is what I love too. So I love how you said accidental marketer and how this whole thing came about. We're gonna call her out, we're gonna just shout her out. So Ann Mahler um recently said, Yes, we love Anne. You have to have Elizabeth on your show. And so, because you're doing such incredible work, you just were saying before we hit record, people are like, How can I help? How can I help? How can I help? It's like, I love this. I love it. And then in doing so, getting your message out there, and by being out in the world of the podcast, you're helping someone at a grassroots level with something that perhaps you know is just gonna downward spiral even further. And you you gave some hope. And isn't that the beauty of coaching? Yeah, yeah. Oh my goodness.

Elizabeth:

It is the beauty of coaching, the good coaching.

Sheila:

The good coaching.

Elizabeth:

It's not all created equal, as we all know.

Sheila:

Yeah.

Elizabeth:

Um, but my my message and one of the things that I'm really proud of about my work is that I get soul naked in the way that I teach. So there's no guru. I can't really take a fall off of any pedestal because there is no pedestal. The thing that I can do that AI could never do is bear my soul in a way that breaks open the teachings and the codes for other people. There's deep wisdom there, but I'm also like, hey, I'm right with you in the trenches. Like all the hell that you've gone through or that you're going through, I've probably experienced it. So let's walk this together. And let me show you what's worked for me and what's worked for other women.

Sheila:

Oh, yeah, that is that is where it's at. And I I agree with you. These, these, that's part of the conversation I've I've been in a lot lately was really humanizing our world with AI coming in and especially, you know, yes, we we can benefit from so many of the advancements, and yet we now more than ever need the human. We need to be seen, we need to be heard, and we need to hear, not just trite little responses, but literally having people walk side by side each other through some serious stuff. And so I would love to know what was the moment or perhaps the season of your life that made you realize women needed a book like Made for Magic?

Elizabeth:

Oh, wow. So I've been asked for a book every time I speak. And I've been speaking to women for about 20 years. I've been leading workshops and doing keynotes and doing different um, you know, conferences around the world. And every time I speak, people will say, Do you have a book? And I was always like, Oh, that sounds terrible. You know, like the rest of us, I feel I have ADHD and locking myself away in solitude for a couple years and being a wordsmith behind closed doors just sounded like my own version of hell on earth. And um, I was willing during COVID, I was in a particularly disgusting life moment, um, disgusting emotionally, where I was in deep heartbreak. I was feeling shut off from a lot of the things that made me happy. I was in this kind of like soul call of a relationship, and it didn't work out for a few um really practical reasons. And I was in deep pain, and I was like, how can I channel this something into something beautiful? This is the moment where I get to bleed onto the pages and create something beautiful out of this, and it ended up not being a um a breakup book at all. It there's a nod to the breakup, but it's really a book about how we experience these dips in our life where we're like, is any of this worth it? I'm so busy. My to-do lists, the pain, the heaviness, the adulting, like the pain-pleasure ratio of my life is out of whack. That's what we're saying there. Is it worth it? Means that we're experiencing more pain and burden than we are joy and pleasure and ease. So we're out of balance and we're asking the big questions. Why am I doing all this? Why am I so busy? Is this it? Is this it? This life that I'm living, is this what I was supposed to do? It doesn't feel like this is what I was supposed to do. Um, so the book answers those questions and really is a return to a soul-led life that feels juicy, satisfying, and worth living. And how exactly do you get back there?

unknown:

Yeah.

Sheila:

Get back there. Back there, back there, back there. Yeah. We used to know a little less, a little less used to know what made us happy. Wow. It's so powerful. And you talk about women being like through this process, like, is it all worth it? The emotional exhaustion and the spiritual disconnection, and those things happen long before they ever hit burnout. And so, for those who are listening, how can they tell which one they're experiencing, though?

Elizabeth:

Well, so emotional exhaustion or spiritual burnout was that the two distinctions?

Sheila:

Those are the two.

Elizabeth:

Right. So emotional exhaustion can look like edginess that's unnecessary. It can look like short answers, it can look like, oh my God, stop. You know, it's like that edge that we start to carry where we're quick to lash out or make the eye roll. Other people feel exhausting. Um, yet another request. It's just that really speaks to the level of burden and emotional exhaustion. That's when I see that, I see a woman who is deeply overcommitted, that's probably said yes a lot of times when she meant no or not right now. That's what I see in that. So those are some of the symptoms of early emotional exhaustion. Spiritual disconnection is where the deeper, more disturbing questions come from. Like, is this worth it? Is this worth it? Is this it? I don't feel it. It's that that it is a desire for spiritual connection. I do feel it or I don't feel it. That's we're speaking of a spiritual charge and a spiritual connection that is there or isn't there. So we say that about people. Oh, I just didn't feel it. What was it? That's right. Spiritual connection, the the light, the light, that frequency of energy. We're speaking to the energy. Um, so yeah, those are that's the distinction there.

Sheila:

Yeah, this is this, these are great distinctions to make because I think people can often be so on autopilot, they just feel, oh, this is just how I am. This is just this is just how I am. And again, they've lost really what their essence is. And it's usually an outside person or source that will be able to help people identify that sometimes, like that, you know, you're different, you're not as lit up, right? Because people are so busy, they're they're or just so focused on whatever the next milestone that they think they need to reach is. That's the power of coaches for sure, is to have that mirror. Because let's face it, you and I need it too. Right. That's why we have our own coaches and mentors. Because we can very easily look, well, not necessarily easily, but more easily often look at what is happening within someone else because we only see the presentation. We don't know all the inner workings, and then we can pull that out. Um, but I love how your book offers eight core principles, helping women like shift from the survival mode to soul-satisfying living. And part of what you talk about too is I I just love the terms that you have in the book. Toxic toleration. Yes. Oh, I love that one. Toxic toleration. What does it look like to break free from this in someone's life or bit or business?

Elizabeth:

So it's a beautiful question. Toxic toleration is sort of self-explanatory, right? In its term. We know what that feels like. Just like the woman that I mentioned earlier that had the smile over the deep pain. She's in toxic toleration of a lot. And toxic toleration speaks to just feeling fed up, swallowing it a lot, taking one for the team one too many times, such that you have become angry. And you may even feel like you are now an angry bitch some of the time when you didn't used to be. And there's nothing wrong with that. I would say that that's normal, but we don't want to go into that. I'm not shaming women's anger because you have every reason in the world to be angry, probably. It's like, okay, don't then crystallize yourself in that identity. And to your point, go, oh, this is just who I am now. This is who I am as an adult with a lot of responsibility. I'm edgy, I'm rude, I'm intolerant of other people. Breaking free from toxic toleration looks like spaciousness. It looks like a greater tolerance for others being human, because we have enough spaciousness in our own system-wise and grace for ourselves. If we are ridiculously hard on ourselves at all times, that takes up a lot of bandwidth. That rumination and self-loathing or um, you know, perfectionism towards ourselves just takes up so much bandwidth. So the more we can really find love for our own humanity, that toxic toleration of our own selves starts to melt away. And then we start to feel that generosity towards all other beings. Like, yeah, people are annoying sometimes. That's okay. What is what are the options to be alone or to never be annoyed? You know, like no, like, like it increases our bandwidth, it creates more freedom. And I have um in the book a lot of tools around how to create more spaciousness in practical ways so that there's literally more time and space for fun, joy, pleasure. And I just coached a woman earlier this week. She said, you know, I'm stuck, I'm depressed, I'm feeling overwhelmed. And I said, I recommend that you put two hours in your schedule to be feral on a Saturday morning. Go jump naked in the creek. You might want to howl. And if anyone tries to book you for Saturday, 10 a.m., you tell them you have a meeting.

unknown:

Yes.

Elizabeth:

You have a meeting.

Sheila:

A very important one.

Elizabeth:

Yes, the most important one for your soul that's so freaking bored of the basicness of what you're doing at this time. Like, let's break free of the patterns of just feeling heavy and like you're checking the boxes. Like, no, your soul's screaming for something else. Let's listen.

Sheila:

Oh, let's listen. Let's listen. Let's listen. And the spaciousness, that word, I just love that word so much because it's in the spaciousness where you actually get the indications of what's next, of what to let go of, of what to lean into that you won't get when you're so, so busy. And I love to like never making ourselves wrong for feeling any kind of way at any given time and having these emotions. And, you know, we're not supposed to be like that toxic positivity. It's, you know, it is often very personal development, very hilarious, right? And it's like, no, we're human. We we should be upset about things at times, like otherwise, we're not human.

Elizabeth:

You know, you must be upset about things some of the time because upsetting things happen, and that's the appropriate emotion. It is appropriate.

Sheila:

We are supposed to feel the rainbow of emotion. We really are. And one thing you mentioned, um, talking about relationships and having more empowering relationships is is this piece. And I think this what you just said here about having these boundaries and doing this thing and go jump naked in the creek. It's allowing someone to actually honor themselves instead of abandoning themselves. And and I I think I see it a lot too with my clients also. I and I've done this myself where I've abandoned myself in you know, personal ways, professional ways, because of what's expected or societal norms. And what do you feel is one of the quickest ways? Because everybody wants fast, right? And I know it's processed, but well, some things are fast and some things are slow. Yeah. What's one of the quickest ways for for women to actually identify, okay, where am I abandoning myself? Because sometimes they may not even see it.

Elizabeth:

Oh I would say do a relationship audit. Do a relationship audit, list out maybe the 15 closest people to you, and look at each name and go, are we in the right relationship? Is this relationship reciprocal? Am I a giver or a taker or a matcher in this relationship? Is this feeling good to me? And that might be a very overwhelming assignment. Um, you may not need to go down all 15. You may need to just stop at the first five, closest people to you, and go, okay, is this a form of martyrdom that I'm calling love? Is there something here about our dynamic that needs to get redirected or rewritten so that I can keep this person in my life happily? Or in the rare cases, hopefully, where it's just not aligned, how shall I rewrite this so that it doesn't go this way anymore, including possibly leaving this dynamic. And for the purposes of that, I have a whole chapter that I wrote about untethering and how and when to do that. There's a chapter on empowered romance, probably one of the biggest topics of all time. Then um empowered relationships, and then for the cases where the empowerment is simply not available for whatever reason, how and when to untether and what choosing yourself looks like in those scenarios.

Sheila:

I think it's great that you identify the different distinctions involved with this relationship piece because it is sticky and it's often it's it's you know, let's face it, it's often family extended family. And it's like, oh, but they're family. How could I, you know, how could I actually untether or completely leave? Or how how how do I do this? And so God. People through the different varieties uh of relationships and how to do that is so empowering.

Elizabeth:

If it's just not a fit, it's just not a fit, or if it's toxic, you know, emotionally, no. Or, you know, I've I've done a big cleansing of frenemies in my life. I don't have anymore. I don't I don't have anyone who takes me down a notch in any way anymore. I used to have a lot of them, and we called that friendship, kind of like the little digs and the that whole thing. Like that's that's just gone for me. So that feels like a beautiful thing.

Sheila:

And it is possible for people. And it's and there is a way, like I know in my own life, yes, that those things have existed. Sometimes it takes me a while to get the memo because I'm such a good finder. I can very easily create scenarios of, well, you know, but they're going through this and this is their history. And you know, it can be almost one of these um workplace hazards. I don't know what you what the word for it is, of a coach. It's like, well, but there's always a backstory, and so have grace on people, which is very important to have grace.

Elizabeth:

They do have good in them. Yes, exactly. Of course, of course they do. Most humans have some sort of redeeming quality, yeah. And that doesn't mean that they're a match for you. But when it comes, when it comes to old school friends, when it comes to family, I say when you can keep them, rework the relationship, yeah, rewrite, rewrite those relational contracts. Yes, rewrite that. You can do that. Yeah, I have one person in my life who experienced a significant uh death, and she just hasn't come back from it. And it's been 10 years now that she's been in deep grief and mourning. I love this woman. I will never let her out of my life, but I'm done hearing the incessant grieving conversations. You know, I was done after the first like two or three years. I was just like, oh, that was already a long time. And now I go to concerts with her. Let's see, I love this. It's a very little talking. So good. So that pops her out of the grief for that period of time that we're together. But there's all of these creative ways where you can rewire the relationship so that it's in service to both people and it's sustainable, and you don't have to untether or bless and release unless that's your choice. In which case, go for it, you know.

Sheila:

Yeah. Well, and then there's there's like I love this rewriting of a relationship contract because, and I've spoken about this with with some of my clients and here on the podcast. My husband and I have been married. Well, it was 29 years in the summer, and we, you know, so you've been in really in like five or six marriages by that time because you're different people as you grow and grow and grow. Thank God you want to grow, right? That's the key thing. I always say to my boys, I have teenage boys, just find someone who's interested in growing, like you're interested in growing, and then it'll all work out. It's fine. And so I actually said, you know, we never actually sat down and did any kind of relationship contract when we got married. We just, you know, the love led us that way. And of course, we were, we worked together. So we had a semblance of knowing each other's strengths and knowing, you know, each other's lane and all that kind of stuff and interests. And so we rewrote our relationship contract earlier this year and have followed up with like weekly check-ins around it. And it has enlivened us both in such beautiful ways. And it's funny because it's not like a whole lot really needed to change. It was more of an identification of who we are now and who we want to become. We're still becoming. So I love the idea of rewriting a relationship contract, and you can do it with your friends and you can do it with whoever. So I love that you're normalizing that.

Elizabeth:

Yes. We are meant to reinvent ourselves. Relationships are meant to reinvent.

Sheila:

Yeah. Yeah. Because otherwise, my goodness, like we are nature, we grow like my tree outside, is finally starting to shed its leaves, sadly, but it is shedding its leaves and it's going to rejuvenate and it's going to look a little different because there's going to be more branches and more buds. So if it's if a tree is not going to be the same, why humans, why would we be? Like honestly.

Elizabeth:

We won't be. Right. That's that's the guarantee, actually. We we will not be the same. Yeah.

Sheila:

Oh, Elizabeth, I feel like truly, and I know we said this before we even hit record, we could talk for a very long time. So I know I have this feeling you're gonna be back. You're gonna be back. I'll come back. Oh, and so I would love to know. So, Elizabeth, where can people find and follow you? And where can they get your book?

Elizabeth:

Oh, so my book, Made for Magic, is on Amazon right now. And you can go grab it, or you can go to madeformagicbook.com. I will send you the first chapter for free. You can get all of those gems and see if it's your cup of tea. And online, you can find me at positivelyzabeth.com. I'm also positively elizabeth on Instagram. And I have free resources for days that I love to send out, and it would be my pleasure to share with you.

Sheila:

Thank you so much for sharing that. And I hope that people will go and follow because I feel like there's just a treasure trove of wisdom that you have to share. And part of this I would love for you to share right now. If you can whisper one sentence into the heart of every woman who feels that she's meant for more, but is tired from holding it all together, what would you say?

Elizabeth:

I would say it's time to choose yourself, babe. It's time it's time to choose yourself.

unknown:

Yeah.

Sheila:

I hope this lands for everyone listening. I have a feeling there's some deep breaths and sighs just uh happening right now as people listen. Elizabeth, thank you for bringing so much truth, grounded hope, and permission into this space. What a powerful conversation. Thank you. And everyone, you can find and follow Elizabeth in the show notes. All the links will be waiting for you there. And if this conversation stirred something in you, if you're ready to reconnect with your inner voice and map out what your next season actually looks like, you can also download the vision map. You'll see that in the show notes. It's a perfect step to take when you have really reconnected with yourself and your truth and dealt with some of these things we talked about on this episode. And of course, one of the highest compliments that you can give for our guest is to share this episode with someone in your world, your business bestie, a friend navigating burnout, a colleague rebuilding their spark, or really anyone you know who's ready to stop surviving and truly start living. Thank you for being here, and I will see you on the next episode.